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Thoughts On Turning 27 (+ A Fertility Update)


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Today is my 27th birthday and I thought I’d take a break from the birthday DIYs and recipes for my thoughts on that fact, along with a little fertility update for those who are curious!

Does anyone else feel like adult birthdays are weird sometimes? Ever since I graduated, my birthday doesn’t feel like my birthday anymore. Jeff agrees about his, as do some of my close friends. Do you? Maybe it’s because your mom is no longer baking cupcakes for your class at school who’s screaming happy birthday in your face while you wear your big birthday sticker or on the flip side for me now, maybe it’s just another glaring date on the calendar that screams “YOU ARE STILL NOT A MOM!”

I’ve never been afraid of getting older and, for the record, I know very well that I am NOT old. In fact, I’ve always been itching to get older. I hate the “You’re so young!” thing and have since I was little. I’ve always felt older than my age, so it always rubbed me the wrong way. 26 was the first year where I stopped hearing that so much and it felt weird and also great, but there is nothing like infertility to make it feel like getting older is the devil and you have a ticking clock permanently cemented in front of your eyeballs. I have never felt time move faster, EVER in my life.

And as I enter year 27 of my life, I have also never felt less on top of things. Year 26 was the most explosive year for Studio DIY. Year 27 is shaping up to be a year where we’re going to flip Studio DIY on its head, which, on top of the 80+ hours a week I work, is enough to make a girl lose her mind. But then add in two weeks each month of near daily fertility doctor visits, followed by two weeks of waiting (AKA actual, pure, true torture) and then a culmination of negative news and you’ve got yourself a Kelly Mindell, age 27. A miss mash of the absolute most exciting period of my life, business-wise, and the most devastating time too, personally.

In case you haven’t guessed yet, nope I am still not pregnant (But everyone else still is! Ha!) or at least… not that I know of yet! I could be pregnant. Right now! As we speak! But we won’t know that until next week, when the dreaded two week wait comes to an end. And you want to know what occasionally pops in my mind as I wait? That if I hadn’t had a miscarriage, I might be holding a sweet little baby in my arms right now. WOAH, that is a slippery slope to stumble down now isn’t it? You’re not alone if you’ve thought this way too.

Last month we started our first round of fertility shots and it was unsuccessful, so this is the end of our second round. I’m handling the shots pretty well and I’m really proud of myself. I’m terrified of needles and I’ve now stuck myself upwards of 30 times. And it really wasn’t bad! Go me!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve been super tired and SUPER bloated between the shots themselves and the progesterone. So if you’re wondering why I pretty much haven’t worn jeans in my Work It posts for 6 weeks now, it’s because I can’t button any of them. 😉

Perhaps the most frustrating part is that everything goes smoothly each time, yet still nothing. This round I’ve decided to do whatever the heck I can to help myself which includes wives tales like eating pineapple core and doing warm foot baths every night. Warm feet, warm uterus they say! Haha!

So here I am, 27 years old and six days away from taking another pregnancy test. Those of you who are in a similar position but 10 years ahead of me in age are probably cursing me for that, and I’d curse me too. I am very grateful that we have time on our side even if it feels like it’s ticking by at warp speed. But in some ways, my age makes it worse. Because as my doctors say every time we see them after a failed round, “You’re young, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be getting pregnant.”

But I’m not. And holidays and birthdays are still hard and empty and lonely. Not because I am alone, but because Jeff and I both ache so badly to finally get to experience them with kids. This Father’s Day/Birthday double whammy is a REAL doozy.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t dreading this birthday, but 27 is shaping up to be a life-changing year in more ways than one. In fact it’s a holy MOLY my dreams are COMING TRUE kind of life-changing business wise. I’m so grateful. And I can’t wait to share! SOON! I really have a whole freaking lot to be thankful for. Largely, that I’ve got an amazing team, family, friends and husband supporting me but also because I have all of YOU to share in the best times and the crazy kind of sad times with, too.

So many of you have reached out to me to share your stories after my last fertility update and it means the world to me that together we can all feel less alone. I don’t like that these posts seem really sad and depressing but in some ways I want them to. Because for me, reading the positive upbeat infertility posts makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong by feeling sad. But sometimes you just need to CRY IT OUT you guys! So cry away. I’ll bring the tissues! And the chocolate.

But let’s cheers anyway! Shall we? May it be the year that we knock it out of the park, and get knocked up while doing so. (If you want to be knocked up, that is.) Not only is it my birthday but it’s a new season, and ladies.. we’re gonna kick this season’s BUTT! Thanks for listening always and for your support! And if any of you have some extra good vibes, prayers, rain dances or the like to send our way, we’ll take each and every one of ’em!


  • Jandy

    Oh gosh I needed this post tonight, one day to go in my 2ww but my body let me out of the torture of waiting that extra day, if you get what I mean… I needed to hear that it was ok to be sad, I needed to hear that someone else “gets it”. I truly truly hope that your 2ww ends more happily than mine xx

    • Kelly

      I am so, so sorry to hear that, Jandy. I know that feeling all too well, when all you want to do is curl up in a ball and not move for a week. But I’m sending so many positive, fertile baby vibes your way for a happier outcome on your next try! We’re all in this together!!

  • Kathleen

    I wish you and Jeff all the very best from the bottom of my heart!! I’m not religious so I can’t say I’ll pray for you, but I’ll do all the infertility rain dances in my head that I possibly can!!

    • Kelly

      I will take all the infertility rain dances I can get, Kathleen! Thank you!!

  • Sarah

    Happy Birthday! We share a birthday but I’m on the other side of your struggle, turning 30 and was up all night with my toddler who refuses to sleep. I hope your fertility struggles will be a distant memory soon. It took the better part of a year for me to get pregnant and it is SO hard each month. It feels like you’ll never see a positive test. The month I got pregnant I had given up, it was quite a shock! I hope you get your shock soon.

    • Kelly

      It DOES never feel like you’ll see a positive test, but it’s so nice to hear success stories! Happy Birthday Sarah!!!!

  • Sarah

    I appreciate your not so happy posts. I’m trying to be chill, to not get too wrapped up and not to care so much. But it’s hard each time! My husband and I will have been actively trying for three years in august (and I am one of those who’s 10 yrs older than you so time is not on my side). I am currently on my 5th try with an iui and get tested Thurs. to see if it took but honestly, I’m losing hope. One of the kindest and most tear inducing things a friend said to me when I found out last month that it didn’t take, was “I’ll hope for you, even if you can’t muster the hope right now.” It is so important to have people coming beside you to carry this burden, I think. I do hope this time it takes for you. . .

    • Kelly

      I absolutely love how your friend put it. Because it’s so true. It’s much easier to muster hope for someone else than yourself. And while I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this, I too will be mustering all the hope and good vibes I can for you later this week!! You’ll be in my thoughts, Sarah!!

  • Helen

    I so appreciate you sharing this side of your life with us. It may not be glamorous or fun, but it’s real. Your transparency is always welcomed.

    Happy Birthday! Enjoy the day with your husband, because hopefully it will be your last birthday with just the two of you!

    xo Helen @

  • Sarah

    I’m set to turn 27 in mid-August and I’ve never felt like my world was so tipped around than now. I’m about to move to a new city, start a new job, and take some major risks. But if anything, now’s the time to take chances and to expand who you are! I can’t personally speak to the infertility issue but I can speak to the fact that you are kicking ass at multi-tasking and will continue to do so. Life is scary, but as long as you have good company it’s so worth it! Keeping my fingers crossed that good news comes your way soon + at least you know you’re not alone in this crazy age struggle. I’m right there with you!

    • Kelly

      Wow Sarah! So much going on, but so many exciting things for you hopefully!! You’re right, now’s absolutely the time to take those chances. I’ll be wishing you all the best in your new adventures!! I’ve heard a lot of people tell me 27 is a crazy year, but hopefully it’s the good kind of crazy for us both!! 😉

  • Kristina B

    As I’ve said a million times, I have no idea how you must be feeling or what it’s like for you right now but I do know what it’s like to stand by a friend who DESPERATELY wants to conceive, and can’t, and has a HORRIBLE miscarriage, and not be able to do anything. It’s heartbreaking, and listening to you talk about how you could have had a baby right now if not for your own miscarriage is heartbreaking. I’m so sorry, honey, that you cannot have your heart’s desire right now.
    On the other hand, IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY and I totally still make a stupid big deal out of my own and everyone around me WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT so HAPPY BIRTHDAY LADY and whatever happens we are all excited YOU are here and give us a reason to smile with your fun ideas and sunny outlook. Chin up, young person. xoxo

    • Kelly

      Thanks Kristina, I always appreciate your support so much and have thought about your friend often. I love that you make a big deal out of birthdays. We SHOULD make a big deal right, for surviving another year of adulthood!? GO US! 😉

  • Mariella borero

    Girl, you NEED to get on the paleo diet to regular your hormones. I have heard ALOT of successful pregnancies result from eating purely paleo, myself included. Give it a try!! And happy birthday!!!

    • Kelly

      Interesting!! I know a lot of people who’ve tried it but hadn’t heard about its ties with fertility. I’ll definitely look into it! Thank you!!

  • Jaye

    Firstly, Happy Birthday! I hope that you can look back on a year of phenomenal achievements with happiness, not tainted by the dreaded fertility problems.

    I just wanted to say that I am honestly blown away by the grace, humour and maturity with which you talk about the difficulties you’ve had. I’m sure you have days where you feel like having a full ‘why me’ temper tantrum, and that’s totally cool, but it’s nice to see someone talk about struggles with such grace.

    Wishing you every success with this next round! I’ve got everything crossed for you xxx

    • Kelly

      Thank you so much Jaye. That means a lot to me to hear that. So, so grateful for your support!

  • Naomi

    Dear Kelly. You are such an inspiration and I hope you had the chance to blow those birthday candles well. I wish you and Jeff all the best and for you a happy birthday. Keep celebrating, you’re a Party yourself. Lots of Love from the Netherlands. XXX

  • Megan

    Happy, HAPPY birthday, Kelly!

    Girl, I am right there with you. It is hard when everything else in life is going wonderfully but there is this big dark cloud hovering because STILL not pregnant or miscarriage or whatever else is happening in the fertility part of your life. The. Worst. Heartbreaking. Devastating. More than one can take, at times.

    But I am keeping the faith for myself that our (my husband and I) baby is going to come into our lives when the moment is right. And while I can’t see it now and it is soul crushing at times, we have to keep on the path- taking the meds, going to the endless dr appointments, crying our eyes out at the bad news- because it is all leading us to a baby (either through adoption or biological).

    I am also keeping the faith for you and Jeff. Your baby is coming. One way or another! And when that baby comes into your life it is going to be beyond loved.

    Enjoy your day. It’s your BIRTHDAY!!! If even for one day, let the baby stress wash away and enjoy the love and affection your friends and family are showering you with. You deserve it. All of it. xo

    • Kelly

      Thank you Megan, you put it perfectly. It is such a big dark cloud that creeps over everything, but I really love and appreciate your outlook on it! I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and sending those baby vibes right back to you!

  • Leah

    Happy birthday Kelly! First of all let me just say that you are so strong and brave and positive even in posts like this one. When I was going through fertility trouble I was couldn’t even put my feelings into a post. I just sort of died inside, stopped working, stopped living and that was the only way I was coping. I applaud you and Jeff for your amazing outlook on life and on this situation, seriously! I know that ache. It’s heartbreaking and I cried reading this post because I really do feel your pain even though I finally have my babies. It will happen for you, I know it! And I know it because you two deserve to be parents. I will keep you both in my prayers and also do a crazy rain dance for you if that works. Love you both! Xo

    • Kelly

      Thank you Leah. I know you know this all too well, but it’s been so great to watch your success (and those two darn cute babies!)! So grateful to have you as a friend!!

  • Emily

    Kelly! I cried all day on my 30th birthday. I gave myself a break to eat and have a drink, but mostly just cried the whole day. Oh, dear! But you know what my boyfriend reminded me when I was being so hard on myself? It’s MY day and I can do whatever the heck I want!

    It’s your day. Cry for an hour. Laugh. Eat. Don’t eat. Hug. Cry again. You’ve got a lot going on! And you are enough : ) Celebrate that birthday in your own way, today!

    • Kelly

      Girl, I can totally relate to that and your boyfriend is right! Now I’m singing “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to” in my head! 😉 Thank you for the support!!

  • Chelsey

    Hi Kelly,
    First I would like to wish you a happy birthday! Your blog has been such an inspiration to me, and even though we are the same age (I’m turning 27 in August), you are WAYY ahead of me as far as business dreams are concerned!! ha! I also wanted to say that I am really rooting for you and Jeff and I hope you guys get pregnant soon! I know you will both make great parents 🙂

    Happy Birthday!!

    • Kelly

      Thank you Chelsey! So much! I’m also rooting for you in your business adventures!! GIRL POWER! =)

  • Kirsten

    In my thoughts I’m giving you a big fat hug right now!!
    The only advice I have is to not want it so badly. I know it sounds kind of silly but I was exactly where you are right now and it was so exhausting to hope and pray again and again and again every single month…
    Then there came this one moment where I just couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t gave up on hoping to get children but I did let it go. Out of pure exhaustion…
    I tried to not think of it anymore and tried to enjoy my man and my time with him. I refocused and put that child I wanted to have so badly, on the second place in my heart, after reinstalling my man onto the first place. My imaginary child had been sitting there on place one, slowly driving my man on the second place. I don’t know if you understand what I mean but it felt like this imaginary child was taking my whole life over. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
    Seeing the whole thing now (5 years later) I think I wanted it too badly. I hadn’t have space in my head for different things and I forgot to enjoy life.
    We do have two boys now but I think we wouldn’t have if I hadn’t stopped to want it so badly.
    I’m sure you get your children. Try to let it go a bit…I know it’s so hard with IVF but try. It’s worth it!!
    Xx, Kirsten

    • Kelly

      I totally understand what you mean, Kristen. Though it is of course hard, near impossible, to not want it so badly. I do think that should we be in this place in a few months we will take a step back and shift our focus onto other ways to grow our family. Because, you’re right, the exhaustion makes this completely impossible to go on forever! So glad to hear of your success story and appreciate your support!

  • Christine


    Thanks so much for sharing, you don’t know what it means to others experiencing the same! Happy birthday!

    • Kelly

      Thank you Christine! So happy that we can all share this space and hopefully feel less alone!

  • Lyndsay // Coco Cake Land

    First off: HAPPY HAPPY 27th, beautiful lady!! I am sad to hear you aren’t feeling super-celebratory just now. You are BRAVE to be continually poking yourself with those needles – I definitely feel your pain there. It is hard to stay positive after months and months of disappointment … but as our fertility doctor says… “cautious optimism.” We have to believe. I have those three frozen embryos waiting for me to implant once my oncologist gives me the OK. I’m so scared it won’t work out… I know we are in a different situation but I can definitely sympathize with the physical discomfort, the waiting, the hoping… and hopefully the BABY that comes out of it all! Sending you loads of love and lots of “cautious optimism!”

    Oh man. I have such fond memories of my entire family coming in to my room on my birthday morning, sleep still in everyone’s eyes, wishing me happy birthday and getting to open PRESENTS. Adult birthdays are definitely different!

    I hope you get to celebrate today in your own super special KELLY WAY! Big hugs to you, and I’m so excited about the success of Studio DIY, I am continually your number one Canadian fan!! (hehe. Just claiming that odd title now…) XO

    • Lyndsay // Coco Cake Land

      You are also amazing for sharing this journey with us. A journey I feel certain will end with a freaking adorable beautiful little babe.

      • Kelly

        Thank you Lyndsay!! Always thinking about you and always so thankful for your support and friendship! I’ll be sending YOU all the cautious optimism right back when your time comes. You are truly my hero!

  • Christine

    Thank you so much for sharing your genuine thoughts! I feel like late twenties are an interesting time of our lives. We are moving out of the college lifestyle, we desire broader life (for you children), and at the same time we want to be in the present moment. I don’t have first had experience in a fertility challenge, but I do know that everything happens for a reason. You are such a strong woman and positive example of loving life’s moments. I know you’ll be a mama one day! I’m sending lots of good vibes to you and Jeff! Give yourself a big hug!! I’m sending a virtual one to you!

    • Kelly

      Thank you Christine!! Late twenties is definitely a really interesting time. So much change, some good and some bad! So grateful for your thoughts + support!!

  • Leslie

    I haven’t dealt with infertility yet, you never know…:(but I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry this is such a difficult time for you! I hope that you can hang in there and find some comfort in knowing that there are a lot of people rooting for you! I don’t know you and just started following your blog/insta and am convinced that you will be a great mom. You’re awesome!

    • Kelly

      Having this community behind me means more to me than you know! Thank you so much for your support, Leslie!! Happy to have you ’round these parts now, welcome! =)

  • Monica M

    Thank you for sharing. I’ve been thinking about you since your last post + have been hoping for the best. My husband + I are starting down your path — we’re meeting with the fertility doctor in August (soonest avaliable appointment, ugh!). We’re hoping for the best until then, there’s still June + July.

    • Kelly

      Oh girl, I know that wait all too well! But the good news is, once you’re in, you’re in. Though I’ll certainly be thinking of you and hoping for success for you long before that!

  • Rosie

    Cheers to your birthday! I know I’ve said this before, but you and Jeff put so many positive, colorful, happy vibes in to the world… I just know it’s all going to come back to you both! The joy you bring to so many is coming right back from all of us followers rooting you on and wishing you the very best. I can’t wait to see what’s to come. Until then sending you all the happy baby making vibes! ???

  • Amelie

    I have not had these struggles personally, but my sister went through it and it was heartbreaking! We always make these life plans in our heads, and when life takes a detour to get there, or throws some obstacle our way (I live with a chronic illness), it’s frustrating (to say the least) and it makes us feel powerless. I am sending all the love, positivity and peacefulness your way?

    • Kelly

      It’s like you took the words right out of my mouth regarding these crazy life plans we make in our heads. SO true. Thank you so much for your support, Amelie!

  • Victoria

    I wish I could drive down there right now and give you a huge hug, bake you a birthday cake, and share some encouraging words. I know it hurts so so so much to get your hopes up every single month, waiting and wondering, then be crushed. So you try to stop hoping but that doesn’t really work, you can’t fool yourself and it’s still disappointing. The 2+ years it took us to get pregnant were some of the most difficult times for me. You can do this. I’m sending all the baby prayers your way!!!

  • Jessica Jean

    Happiest of Birthdays Girl!!

    I truly appreciate your posts on your journey to get pregnant. Your last one made me feel like I am not alone and this one came at a time when I really needed that confirmation again. My two week wait ended today with not the result I was hoping for. I decided to take time to be sad and then move forward with this months fertility treatment plan. I also am trying to do anything that could help! I have been reading articles on the positive effects of taking Robitussin for getting pregnant. Here’s the link:
    I personally don’t know if this works but I feel at this point, for me, I’m willing to try anything that could help me reach my baby dreams!

    Wishing you all the best for your birthday and sending positive vibes during your last few days of your wait! Hang in there, you have a whole community here cheering you on 🙂

    • Kelly

      I am so, so sorry to hear that. I know the pain you are going through and it is so devastating. Though I’m truly grateful that we can share in that pain together here. Though I certainly wish you weren’t in this position too!

      SO fascinating about the Robitussin. I’ll definitely take a look and I agree.. I’ll try anything! I’ll be thinking of you and sending so many baby vibes your way for this cycle. We’re in this together!

  • Youngmi

    Isn’t it strange that we all know nothing about fertility until everyone around you starts to get pregnant? Or tries to get pregnant and struggles to? I feel like fertility should be discussed right along with all that awkward sex ed stuff that you get in middle school! Whatever the universe has in store for you, I’ll bet that it will amazing and perfect for you and Jeff. Even though things aren’t perfect right now, I hope you still have a fantastic, confetti filled, glittery, doughnutty birthday. Thank you for sharing your story with us along with all the bright, happy, sparkly things.

    • Kelly

      I agree with you! It’s such an unknown world until you’re thrown right into it at full speed. Thank you for your support and birthday wishes!!

  • Jess

    Happy birthday! Cry it out if you need to, infertility is one of the toughest battles (in my opinion). You aren’t doing anything wrong, I hope something happens for you soon! Sending love.

  • kaybee

    Kelly – have you heard of Maca Root? I started taking it in April on the suggestion of a friend who had been trying for over a year to get pregnant. 2 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant after months of trying 🙂
    If you’ve already heard of it/tried it, I take this comment back. If not, I suggest trying pure peruvian Maca Root (the gelatinized capsules). It takes about 1-2 months to get into your system and both you and hubby should take it! MAJOR BABY DUST TO YOU!

    • Kelly

      First of all… CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!! SO excited for you!!! I haven’t heard about Maca Root. I need to look into that! Like I said above, I’ll try anything! Thank you so much for the support, and congrats again, Kaybee!!

  • Nancy

    Best wishes for a happy day and happy life. A gentle reminder, too, that there is more than one way to make a family. A baby will come into your life. (((((HUG)))))

    • Kelly

      Thank you Nancy! And totally agree! We’re excitedly exploring all our options and really look forward to the prospect of adopting, regardless of whether we have biological children as well, some day.

      • Nancy

        Think of all the love you have to give your babies! You are oozing baby-love! I’ve been told by friends who have adopted that, as soon as that baby is put in your arms, it is YOURS.
        May I suggest that you bask in the thought of holding and caring for and nurturing babies? It is going to happen. Think wonderful, positive thoughts. Think “baby” instead of “pregnancy.” You never know what’s around the corner. Try to let go of the tension and let good things in. All of us know of someone who adopted and then produced a sibling, often within the year!
        Another (((((HUG))))).

  • Brittany Davis

    I have been through fertility struggles and losing babies and all of the heartbreak that brings. It is truly devastating to your soul. So, I won’t offer any advice or tell you what worked for me or for anyone else I know. I will just send you my love and happy thoughts and well wishes! You are an incredible person. And happy birthday!

    • Kelly

      Thank you Brittany! That really means a lot. Grateful for your encouragement!

  • Wapiti

    Happy Birthday!
    I know your feelings. I was 29 as we adopted our son after years of doctors, hospital and tears. Three years later we had a daughter (IVF).
    It’s a long time ago, but I still can feel the pain and the sorrow. I felt so empty and useless.

    I wish you all the luck you can wish for. We were/still are so happy with this IVF-gift.

    Big hug from Belgium

  • sara walk

    Hang in there Kelly!! You are amazing at everything you do! And sending prayers that good news is coming soon!

  • Lydia

    Happy birthday Kelly! Thanks for your honesty, it’s refreshing! I’m praying for you and Jeff! My husband and I are thinking about trying for kids soon too, I have no idea what the future will bring, I’m excited & nervous! I really hope that you see a positive result soon & I know you will both make the best parents when that day comes! Xx

  • Mary Buck

    Oh Kelly. I just have to echo what all the comments are speaking to– your grace/humor/openness (pretty much YOU!) is just incredible & so appreciated. I know there are so many that need to hear exactly what you’ve shared & Im sure it took a tear-stained keyboard to produce. Such a selfless gift to give on your birthday. Wishing you the HAPPIEST (belated) BIRTHDAY since classroom cupcakes. I sure hope 27 brings you absolutely everything you want it to. Prayers, baby vibes & raindances being sent from central Iowa!!

  • Elizabeth

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I turn 28 on Tuesday. 🙂

  • Janna Conner

    Great post, thanks for sharing! While I myself did not experience problems with fertility, I have so many friends that did. My husband is Belgian, and there the government pays for IVF, for something up to like 4 or 5 times, something his cousin was able to enjoy. If it makes you feel any better, I remember my OBGYN pressuring me at 27 to get pregnant ( I waited till 35) because that’s when your fertility is at it’s best. So, keep the faith, I know 27 will be a great year for you!

    All the best!

  • Beth

    My husband and I struggled with IF, also. It was tough because he already had two kids and I still wanted one. ONE!! We went the route of Clomid (boo), 3 IUIs and finally on the first IVF, we got pg. Wishing you lots of patience through the dreaded 2ww and hugs through the bfns (big, fat negatives). It finally happened for me at 37 (started trying at 34). Best of luck.

  • Casey

    What a brave post. It takes a lot to put yourself out there. So many women hide the truth about their own miscarriages thinking there is something to be ashamed about (myself included originally). It doesn’t make it any easier when people tell you “how common it is” or that “it’s meant to be” (I imagined myself pulling them by their hair every time I heard those words). The truth is, from the moment you find out you’re pregnant you are already filled with a thousand hopes and dreams for something/ someone you’ve never met. And it’s okay to be sad, angry, frustrated. It doesn’t make it any easier if it happens at any stage in pregnancy. A loss is a loss and it hurts. All I can say is continue to be strong and focused on that vision of holding your baby in your arms. It will happen. I promise you. Stay focused. Stay strong. It will all be worth it. You will be an amazing mom. Sending you good vibes and the happiest of birthdays wishes.

  • Kait

    Happy birthday, darling! You survived another round of life. Though, to be fair, I used to get excited about birthdays, but now they just make me feel behind on everything.

    As well, as I read your infertility struggles (I’m so sorry, I can only imagine), I found myself with strange mixed emotions because I’m in a weird opposite situation.

    I wanted nothing more than to settle down and raise a family, and it went right along: married, house, baby.

    But I’ll be celebrating my son’s first birthday next month alone, as I spent most of my pregnancy, as I’ve spent most of his milestone moments — my husband is away for work on an 80hr/wk jobsite to make up for my lost income after my entire division was outsourced.

    We had recently moved to a small town, little fixer house, which was great when we were here together, we even had dogs! But now it’s just me. Job-hunting alone, changing diapers alone, spider-hunting alone, watching our son grow up, alone.

    Of course it’s temporary, we’re still young (I’m 26), there is Skype and there are cameras to capture moments, there’s still time! My husband’s been there for some things when he can – important things like birth, baptism, but it’s a few hours, maybe a couple of days spaced across months of living in different states (and a night shift at that, so we aren’t even awake at the same time).

    We’re so fortunate to be above water, to have a house, to have our beautiful perfect son so easily (so many other blessings too), and yet, so many events feel hollow. Do I bother celebrating with a baby who doesn’t know the difference? I should, I do. Sort of.

    I take lots of pictures, and try not to reveal the loneliness in them as I send them to a man who has to spend less time with his baby than with the hotel staff at the extended stay. Maybe he’ll catch the next birthday. Maybe the next baby’s first giggles. Hopefully we can find the time to make another someday. Hopefully I’m not too old and sad by the time we live together again permanently.

    Wow, word vomit. But I think what I realized is that we each have to make the best of our own journey, because there is always someone on the other side.

    Best of luck on the TWW. I’ll be praying you have a sticky little seed. ( You can make her a cake on her 27th birthday when she’s not feeling it. )

  • Amanda

    Can’t believe I missed this post somewhere along the way! Happy belated birthday, girl. Believe me when I say you are giving inspiration to all us fellow 27 year olds around the globe! Hoping for positive baby news in the near future for you and Jeff. Hang in there and soak up your growing success!

  • Tracy

    So I read your 28th Birthday post and, as a fan of your blog, had to come back and read this one again.

    This is still one of my favourite blog posts of all time. I could totally feel the hurt and sadness you were experiencing. It was the realest bit of writing I have read on a blog in a long time and made me feel like you were a friend, and not just some blogger who did amazing DIY.

    A year later and it was the total opposite, the happiness and joy was palpable. I loved it too. The contrast made my heart fly.

    Thanks for opening yourself to us and allowing us to experience your life with you.

    You really are an inspiration.

    As you said: “What a difference a year makes”.

    All the best for a fantastic future ahead.

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