Photo by One Eleven Photography
Happy Valentine’s Day you guys!!! I thought it would be fun to talk a little about love languages today, which is oddly one of my favorite topics! Haha!
Have you ever taken the five love languages test? There’s about a zillion of them online but you can take the “official” one here or read the book! It basically categorizes how you show and receive love. It’s something I forced Jeff to take a few years ago and while we still have a long way to go, it’s been SO helpful in our relationship.
My love language is acts of service, AKA for me, actions speak louder than words. I show love and feel loved by doing something to ease the burden on someone or doing something thoughtful for someone. Jeff’s love language on the other hand is words of affirmation. Jeff shows and feels love through words of encouragement, appreciation and respect.
When you take the quiz, it will rank your top love language down to the one you least relate to. Want to know the best part? Each of our love languages is the other’s dead LAST one. Upon learning this, everything just made so much SENSE to us! We now know we have to work extra hard to show the other that we love them, and we’re still constantly learning.
Jeff is always my biggest cheerleader. He is constantly telling me how proud he is of me and how impressed he is by everything I’ve accomplished. I am obviously very grateful to have such a big supporter in my life, but when you get down to it, those words don’t mean as much to me as his actions do. An example of what meant way more is when we were deep in the trenches of fertility treatments and my second miscarriage. Jeff got up one day and made me breakfast, and continued to make me breakfast every single day after that. He had never done that before, and I always tell him that is the most meaningful thing he’s ever done for me. Simple, but so important.
On my side of things, I have had to learn to share my appreciation and pride towards Jeff through words and not actions. This is really hard for me. I actually once gave him a card with nothing written in it because I just didn’t know what to say. Ha! #winning. It makes me seem heartless, but I’m not (I’m not! Ha!), I am just not the kind of person who easily finds words to express my love. I try to constantly remind myself to verbalize my love and appreciation and it’s really mind-blowing to see how happy that simple task can make him!
So what is your love language? Does your partner share the same one or are you opposites like us?? I’ve actually found this test helpful in more than just our relationship, I’ve learned so much about friends, family, even employees by learning their love language! I’m so curious to hear yours below!!
Alex says
My love language is words of affirmation too! I love hearing what other people’s are; it gives such an insight into their worldview. I was in the exact same situation as you two with my ex – acts of service is last on my list, and words of affirmation last on his! It definitely takes extra effort on both sides to make that work. My parents (married for 28 years!) are the same way, with gifts and acts of service. So funny how opposites attract.
Kelly says
That’s so interesting!! I love finding out what other people’s are too. I know several couples who are in the words of affirmation/acts of service boat. Guess it’s a common combo! 😉
Kira says
Omg I just posted about this yesterday!! I love hearing others love languages too! So interesting ❤
http://www.theimperfectionistblog.com/the-language-of-love/
xo,
Kira
Kelly says
Ah! Love your post. I completely agree that it was a total game changer in understanding how people show love!
Kristina B says
I LOVE that you posted about this because I find the Love Languages SO interesting. They TOTALLY help unlock another person! I used to be Gift-Giving big time and it is still very high up for me (SURPRISE I own a gift shop!) but I feel like since I got older, had a house and have so much crap to do, Acts of Service beat out Gift-Giving! Rob has always been Quality Time and Physical Touch but Touch is at the bottom for me so I joke that he needs to buy me a present and don’t touch me.
Kelly says
Physical touch was second to last for me so DITTO on that! Hahah!
Michelle says
That sounds so interesting, I will take the test right away!
https://www.makeandmess.com/
Mary England says
My boyfriend and I are opposites, too! But our second most important is the same so we have a good medium point to compromise with. Love languages are a really important thing to talk about in ALL kinds of relationships, and it also helps you learn more about who you are and how you operate and what you need in life! It’s fascinating and beneficial. Thanks for taking the time to talk about this, I love seeing this type of stuff on your blog. And PS, I just commented on your YouTube video, but that had me laughing my butt off. You’re killing it this week even more than usual!!
Kelly says
Totally agree! It’s helped me in all sorts of relationships. And so glad you loved the video!! Haha! We had so much fun with that one.
Alexandra says
My husband and I are also words of affirmation/acts of service like you! After reading the book a few years ago it totally changed our relationship for the better. I totally understand how hard it is for us acts of service people to communicate our feelings, so one thing I’ve been doing (thanks to our couple’s therapist idea!) is to get cards from the store and keep them handy… anything from thank you, i love you, i appreciate you, i messed up cards. Then, when my husband does something amazing for me, I grab one of the cards and write about that specific moment the next day and say how it made me feel. I do it rather quickly so i don’t forget or get too lazy. If I don’t have a great card, I just grab a post it and leave it in the bathroom mirror. We now even have a wall in our apartment dedicated to the post its we leave for each other!
Kelly says
I LOVE that Alexandra!! I might just do something similar, thanks for the great idea!!!
Nicke says
My love language is gifts. Hands down. But I also think gifts can manifest themselves in small ways (like an act of service :)) My husband’s is physical touch and that is really dead last on my list! Pass on the cuddles everyday! Ha!
Kelly says
I agree, I think gifts and acts of service have a lot of similarities!
Emily says
My fiance and I are both quality time, with touch being in last place haha. I guess we like to be around each other but not touching each other..??! 🙂 This was a fun post! I’ve never heard of this test before and it was fun to try it out!
Kelly says
Haha! That’s amazing!!
Kara says
Omg! I love the love languages! My husband and are totally like you a Jeff. I definitely value acts of service above everything else. And he definitely needs to hear the words or be touched which is so hard for me, because even if I mean something, I always feel fake in the way it comes across. Even though it’s genuine it doesn’t feel like it because it is forced and not how I normally show my love. I like the idea of writing it on a post it. So much easier than saying it out loud.
Kelly says
I SO feel the same, Kara!! It’s very hard for me to feel like I’m speaking genuinely because it doesn’t come as naturally! I’m definitely trying the post-it idea.
Megan says
I LOVE the Love Languages. It was the first thing I made my boyfriend do when we began dating! LOL My boyfriend’s number one is words of affirmation and mine is physical touch. He is great at doing both for me, but I, like you, find it very difficult with words of affirmation. But that fact that we both WANT to know what the other’s LL is and that we are both willing to work on them, shows that a relationship is strong and ready for the tough stuff. Glad to hear I am not alone in not wanting to give words of affirmation, but WILL because I love him!
Katie McC says
Cool post. Love languages are super interesting to learn! Acts of service is second to last but I am just like Jeff, loving words of affirmation. My boyfriends first is physical touch, and that is my dead last. It makes me laugh because as I read the comments, most people seem total opposites. It really doesn’t bother me to cuddle or hug but believe me, at first it was soooo awkward. I hated even the slighest touch lol. My boyfriend understands the struggle also- knowing words for him is so hard.
I agree with you 100% that these help in the work environment and with friends! I wish we would have taken this in school or at work because it would have helped with so much mis-communication. I generally think environments would change if we focused on the needs of others once we knew them! My boss love language is physical touch (although there would be no cuddling or weird stuff like that lol) a pat on the back or a hand shake to tell him he did wonderful on a Sunday Sermon would probably make his day more than using words.
carrie says
Off topic – but I LOVE Jeff’s sweater! I’ve been eyeing it for my guy. 😉
Carrie
www.wearwherewell.com
Mia says
Mine is physical touch, which isn’t surprising. Holding hands and hugging is super important to me! I will have my fiance take it – I’m super curious about his!
Cathy | WellKeptChaos says
I got Words of Affirmation and my fiancé had Acts of Service. We both had physical touch as #2 and quality time as #3, so that’s good! We are on the same page about that haha. It made sense, as a lo of our arguments stem from me not doing enough to help, and him not vocalizing how he feels about me. If only we saw this sooner! Who knows how many arguments could have been avoided 😉
Amy Cluck-McAlister says
My husband and I are the same. Luckily, I had a friend explain the different love languages to me and I try to remember that when I feel disappointed that my hubby didn’t show me love by his actions. I also try to remember that when I get frustrated because I’ve gone out of my way to please him (cooking his favorite meals, etc.) and he still feels unloved. I’m so bad at verbalizing too! I feel like the things I do already show how I feel but I guess he likes to hear it too 😉 Definitely the #1 challenge in our marriage!
sara k miranda says
I loved reading your post and all of the comments! Husband and I are the same as you and Jeff and we chuckled and learned more about each other as I read the comments out loud to him. He just said that he learned figuring out acts of service by playing Legends of Zelda. Huh!???? Haha I told myself that I’m going to really put forth effort into making sure he feels loved in his own language and I think the post it/note cards are perfect. 🙂