Today I turn 28 and to look back on 27, I can’t believe the roller coaster I’ve been on. If you’d told me I’d be writing this post, today, with a baby asleep in the next room, I’d of laughed in your face. Or more likely, cried in it.
I wrote this post last year from such a low place. I was in the middle of my “two week wait,” doubtful of anything good happening, but trying to be hopeful. 27 was the year I had always had in my brain that I had become a parent. Little did I know, I was pregnant while writing that post. Little did I know, that pregnancy would turn into a miscarriage-turned ectopic-turned surgery-turned “I don’t really know what happened?” from the doctors. And little did I know, that pregnancy would mark the end of a devastating fertility journey and the start of one of the best experiences of our lives.
So much has happened this last year. I suffered my second failed pregnancy, I launched a shop (!), we started our adoption journey, and would you believe it… I finally FINALLY became a mom. I went from being conditioned to expect everything to fail to having so many things go right.
I have a beautiful, happy son. I have an amazing relationship with the woman who gave me this ultimate gift. I feel more connected with you guys than I ever have. Our past two clutches have sold out and we had a hard time keeping our balloons on the (virtual) shelves! Plus, I have so many more exciting things on the horizon for the rest of this year that I haven’t even gotten to share with you guys yet.
It has been shocking, honestly. And it’s been really hard to get used to. I still find myself waiting for the ball the drop, for everything to fall out from under me. I spent a long time in a dark place and it’s hard to open that door and see the light. There’s still a lot I want to do and change, and many hardships ahead (like learning how to balance being a working mom) but man, if I could have just had a time machine to show my turning-27 year old self how different life would be in just one year, I wish I could.
I learned a LOT about myself throughout age 27 though. I learned that I didn’t need to have a biological child and now that, frankly, I am absolutely OK if I never do. Adoption has been the most beautiful experience for us. Arlo is such a gift. I love him more than I ever thought I could love anything. He was waiting for me and I for him and that’s just how it was meant to be.
I also learned that I don’t need to build the biggest of companies to be happy. That a small, but mighty company is what makes me happier. Working 24/7 doesn’t make me happy and I’ve adjusted a lot of my goals and business structure to reflect that.
I’m entering 28 crying happy tears while singing Disney songs to a smiley baby in my arms, instead of crying sad tears over one line on yet another negative pregnancy test again.
What. A. Difference. A. Year. Makes.
I don’t have a point to this post other than to hopefully bring anyone who’s going through a tough time that you never know where just a year might take you. And while you’re in those unbelievably trying times, listen to your gut. Learn about yourself. It’s amazing how reflective you can be when you’re at your lowest of lows. You start to prioritize what really means the most to you. Don’t forget to listen to that instinct.
Thank you all for sticking with me, sending good vibes and prayers, crying with me and celebrating with me as my life dipped and soared throughout the last year. I am incredibly grateful and SO ready to see what 28 brings. Let’s do this!